Allegedly*, when L. Ron Bubbard wanted Scientololology to gain a foothold in respected American society, he decided Hey, we need to get some celebrity action up in this motherfucker! Or words to that effect.
So I was thinking man, we should get some hep cats to join St. Vlad’s. But who?! I came up with this list of desirables: Melissa McCarthy, Bill Maher, Ira Glass, Chris Kluwe, Sarah Vowell, Mindy Kaling, Jon Glaser, Hillary Clinton, and Wolfgang Loitzl.
LRB allegedly* promised his followers that if they recruited a genuine celebrity to his religion, he would reward them with a small plaque. Wha-at?! I can do better than that! I will give to any congregant who brings one of these sought-after stars to our fellowship a brand new DVD copy of the epic classic “Nail Gun Massacre”. I truly will. Pinky swear! Let the recruitment efforts begin!
*based on info in the superb book “Going Clear” by Lawrence Wright. Read it!