As you probably know, I watch a shitload of TV. But while I’m watching my shows, I’m often crafting. Because idle hands are the Devil’s workshop. I started thinking about this saying the other day. I mean, I like the fact that I can catch up on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart and make fake leaves out of duct tape at the same time. It makes me feel productive and less like a pop-culture-guzzling sloth. But is that really what this adage is about?
I think what it’s really about is masturbation. If one is not, say, making fake leaves out of duct tape, one will naturally masturbate the day away. Come on, you know that if you weren’t petting your dog or cat, washing the dishes, or writing a thank-you note to your grandma for that birthday check, you’d be masturbating.*
Since one of my goals in life is to promote critical thinking, I implore you to consider other sayings and try to figure out what they are truly trying to teach us. “A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush” – is this a commentary about the two George Bushes? Or a suggestion that it might be time to, uh, trim up a bit down there to keep birds from nesting, in the event that you suddenly find yourself stranded at a nudist colony?
Something tells me this post won’t become the next Ethics Column in my company’s monthly newsletter.
*I’m talking to my male readers here.